[ 005 ] [ Video / Commentlog ]

[dontgiveafock]

[From the vegetable patch outside of Joe's kitchen, one might hear a stream of angry curses accompanied by the cawing of crows and the occasional dull thud of a large blunt object. A closer inspection would find Joe himself brandishing a shovel and fighting off a swarm of birds from his garden. On a spit over a fire is a sharksheep, the proposed dinner for the Keep now being picked at by birds.

When the video feed kicks in, it's purely by accident, the cook's journal tossed to the side and left ignored by the otherwise distracted Irishman. For the most part what is seen is a shot of the sky with the odd crow or glimpse of Joe as he fights his epic battle. His words however, broadcast loud and clear and translate to text as he speaks.]

Fockin' flying rats! Get the fock outta my garden! Scram! That sharksheep ain't fer you! I don't have time fer this shite!

[He swings the shovel again and... misses his target.]

Stay still so I can hit ya, y'stupid fockin' bird!

[The sound of crows swarming is heard, and then Joe sighs and throws the shovel down.]

Fine. Eat the fockin' lot. It's not like that thing didn't take forever to catch.

[Footsteps, and then a rather defeated Joe appears.]

...Well shite, guess you lot heard that then. In case you were wonderin', we've got a bit of a crow problem. Little bastards're eatin' the place out. If this keeps up, we're gonna be outta veg in no time. Need to keep 'em outta this area at least.

[He pauses.]

Might be time to... Eh, nevermind.

[He cuts the feed and goes back to glaring angrily at the birds. Feel free to stumble in at any time!]

Comments

[angha-firebird.livejournal.com]

[Rushing to the vegetable patch as soon as Aara sees Joe's struggle, Aara races over and wildly waves her hands about in the air, ducking her head a time or two to miss a wing or beak, and looking over at Joe with worry.

Had he given up, then?]

I... might be able to help.

[dontgiveafock.livejournal.com]

[He's red in the face and breathing hard. Joe's been at war with the birds for a while now. When Aara appears, Joe moves toward her, intent on shielding her from any birds that come her way.]

I'm open to any ideas, lass. What've you got in mind?

[angha-firebird.livejournal.com]

[Ducking in on herself a bit sheepishly, she decides to spill her great secret with only the smallest bit of hesitation. These birds were attacking quite savagely, after all, and Joe had mentioned this being the Keep's meal. She did not want people to go hungry--or for Joe's hard work to have been in vain.]

I can turn into a dragon? Try to scare them off?

[She's looking up at him uneasily, holding her breath as she waits for his response. Any response. Her heart pounds in her throat. She doesn't want them both getting pecked to death, though. She's also getting used to using the term 'dragon' rather than 'angha' while dealing with the others, here.]

[Commentlog!]

[mister10below]

[Bobby hadn't been paying attention to his journal, so he's not at all expecting to wander towards the kitchen and spot a man glaring down some crows.

For a moment he pauses, raising an eyebrow and looking back and forth from the guy to the crows, and then spotting something roasting over the fire. Something that smells pretty good, actually, and is obviously not for birds.]

Uh. Could you use a little help with the pest problem? Cause I'm not an exterminator or anything, but I might have a solution.

[He's gonna ask before he just starts freezing birds, though. Just in case.]

[Commentlog!]

[dontgiveafock.livejournal.com]

[Joe makes a frustrated sound and ducks to dodge an incoming bird. Maybe putting down the shovel wasn't such a good idea after all. As he dives for his makeshift weapon, Joe glances to Bobby.]

They ain't gonna stop lad, but yer welcome to try whatever you want.

[Commentlog!]

[mister10below]

I can probably thin out their numbers a bit, at least.

[And now that he's got the okay, Bobby stops worrying about ducking incoming crows, and instead turns his attention towards freezing them. The next bird that swoops close to him gets itself with a nice ice coating, and Bobby catches it when it starts to fall to the ground.]

[comment log]

[helluvachin.livejournal.com]

[Zachariah still hadn't stopped his tireless search for steel. There had to be some around here. After all they had some weapons, and what would be the point of having a smithy without any steel?

He did stop though when he saw a man trying to fight of crows with a shovel. Zachariah tried not to laugh but, well, that was just funny.]

Maybe you should try putting up a scarecrow instead.

[comment log]

[dontgiveafock.livejournal.com]

[Joe stopped swinging long enough to glance back at Zachariah. He frowned, and was about to retaliate with some snide remark only to realize that the stranger had a point.]

Aye, maybe yer right.

[Even so, Joe took another swipe at an incoming bird.]

But it makes me feel better to get a shot back at 'em.

[comment log]

[helluvachin.livejournal.com]

[He didn't even bother hiding his grin now. This was just too funny.]

Looks like they're still winning.

[The man hadn't asked him for his help, but that didn't stop Zachariah from thinking about how he'd get rid of the flying pests.]

[Text]

[vivenieta.livejournal.com]

Are you alright?

[Text]

[dontgiveafock.livejournal.com]

[No. By this point he's sitting inside staring out at the havoc in the garden. Joe might be sulking.]

A might pissed off.

[Audio]

[doctoral-bird.livejournal.com]

[There's a noticeably distressed voice, almost in a bit of a panic.]

A-Ah! N-No! What are you doing!

[Oh god, the sorrow. The unhappiness.]

[Audio]

[dontgiveafock.livejournal.com]

M'actin' on a pest problem! [WHACK]

The hell do you think I'm doin'!

[Commentlog]

[drinkuntilidie.livejournal.com]

[Kevas approaches the strange scene as silent as ever. For a few moments he does nothing more than watch while tossing a rock up and down in his hand. Finally he turns his attention to one of the birds circling above the garden. His eyes follow it before he cocks his arm back and hurls the stone at it. The stone strikes the bird right in the chest and it falls out of the sky.

He steps closer to Joe looking more than a little smug.]

Yep, still got it.

[Commentlog]

[dontgiveafock.livejournal.com]

[Joe whirls around with a start, caught off guard by the sudden appearance of Kevas and his expert aim. After a moment, Joe smirks.]

Yer a fockin' show off, Kevas. Do it few more times, aye?

audio

[thii2ii22tupiid]

I can help you catch another one of those...sharksheep.

*He's been feeding them and baiting them with joe's chickens for awhile anyway.*

audio

[dontgiveafock.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I think I might take you up on that offer.

[It took way too long to get one to bite last time. Maybe Sollux has a few tricks to share.]

[Video] I'm sorry.

[miss-squeakles.livejournal.com]

[At first, there's just an upside-down clown head staring with wiiiiide eyes. That doesn't last for long, though, as Squeakles begins her best- and loudest and squeakiest- imitation of a crow.]

CAW CAW CAW CAW CAWCAWCAWCAAAAWWW!

[Video] LMFAO

[dontgiveafock.livejournal.com]

[What the hell!? There's more of them comi-- wait. That sound is coming from the journal. Joe does the only thing he can do.

He yells.]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!

[Audio]

[fallintheriver.livejournal.com]

Why don't we just eat the crows?

[This seems like a reasonable solution.]

[Audio]

[dontgiveafock.livejournal.com]

I think yer underestimatin' just how many of the suckers there are, lad.

[However, it is a pretty good plan.]

Well, there's dinner solved.

[Comment Log]

[likesfootnotes]

[Ever felt that the birds are watching you?

Baiting you?

Even conspiring against you?

Yes. That feeling of being followed as accompanied by the ruffling of feathers, that peripheral glimpse of something black swooping by. Was that a bird, or the wind?

'Imagination' may be what you say, but is it really just in your head?

Is it?

Well, aren't you lucky that an answer is handy! This is not just in your head and there is, in fact, a bird staring at you from on high. Bartimaeus was just doing his rounds of boredom and, like a good djinni, has found the one place where he may be of the most irritation to the humans. And he's been watching for a spell, circling like a buzzard - but in the form of a raven.

He drops down, taking a risk by landing on the ground and clucking his beak in an almost condescending manner.]

Crows hold a mean grudge. A wise man is careful about what they brandish at them.

Then again, humans are rarely wise, so keep at it! I'm eager to see if they will put a contract out on you for all this violence!

[Comment Log]

[dontgiveafock.livejournal.com]

[What. The. Fuck. Joe does indeed feel like he's being watched, toyed with, taunted by an unseen foe. When the crow lands, Joe raises his shovel like a sword, ready to strike if need be.

And then the crow talks. Joe stares.]

You there, crow. Tell yer buddies to back off.

[He frowns.]

And the hell d'ya mean, 'contract'.

[halfbrokenwings.livejournal.com]

[Isabella hears all that racket and it's hard not to be curious, because that was Joe's voice she was hearing that was so pissed off.

She peeks around a corner.]

Joe? Are you-

[Oh. Well. THAT'S not good. ]

-need help?

[dontgiveafock.livejournal.com]

[By this point he's pacing, muttering under his breath with a rifle slung over his shoulder. Joe doesn't notice Isabella until she speaks. His head jolts in her direction.]

Scared the hell outta me, Isa.